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An Exclusive Interview with GOD

Q. What were the first words from u when you created us?


Q. Why did you create us? What was the purpose?

A. It was a really big accident. My wife went to her mother’s place i.e. my mother-in-law’s house and I decided to fix myself something to eat instead of ordering a takeout. Whatever I was trying to cook just blew the whole kitchen apart and there was grime all over.

Q. So you are saying that we are a part of that grime, something like the Powerpuff Girls created by Professor Utonium?

A. Yes but there is more to it. I decided to clean up before she came back and called up my friends to help. While cleaning I left the water running to fill up my bath tub for a long and relaxing soaking.

Q. And that overflowed into the house and so your first words that was passed on to us human beings was “OH MY GOD”?

A. See you already understand my predicament. The water and grime combined to create the most complex of creations. I had to get the whole house repainted before my wife came back so as to incorporate this new creation into it and also make it invisible to her eyes.

Q. So why not just wipe the whole thing out with a heavy duty scrubbing agent?

A. There was no time.

Q. What were you trying to make in the kitchen?

A. My wife’s favourite food delight.

Q. And what exactly is that?

A. I have forgotten. But that is not the issue now.

Q. And it went completely wrong?

A. Wrong for me, right for you.

Q. That maybe because you are seeing from your point of view?

A. Maybe you are right.

Q. Does your wife suspect anything or know anything about it?

A. No she still is in the dark about it.

Q. Why not destroy the whole creation, after all you are GOD?

A. I can’t do that. I am bound by the contract to be ‘GOD’.

Q. Oh that means even you have these contractual hassles?

A. Yes, very much. We can’t discuss it openly with humans though.

Q. Why so?

A. We fear over exploitation by the masses and sponsors.

Q. You have sponsors too?

A. Its one of things we just pushed under the rug.

Q. Don’t people have a right to know?

A. They do, but it’s just a technicality. If it’s not said it’s not that important, I hope.

Q. Can you just give a glimpse of what the contract is like?

A. We have to listen to all your prayers on a daily basis; this is one of the stipulations.

Q. How does it feel to be GOD and All Powerful?

A. You forgot to add ‘hen-pecked’ but truthfully its no fun.

Q. What happens if your wife decides that its time to repaint and remodel the house?

A. I really don’t know. I have to refer to the operations manual on this one.

Q. You mean that there is a manual on how to run the whole show?

A. Of course, it’s really long and I have had no time to read it fully.

Q. And what if you goof up and something goes wrong?

A. We have a team of relationship managers and also a good team of legal experts.

Q. But we have been given to believe all the lawyers and chartered accountants go to hell and work for the Devil?

A. Yes that is what happens but to keep the show going we hire and use Devil’s team of lawyers to get out of a difficult situation. It’s like a joint venture. We use the chartered accountants to window dress our deficit accounts.

Q. And lastly why the sudden need to tell the truth of all these things?

A. I believe human beings are very forgiving and they will forgive and forget everything and the law shall find that I am not the one who is guilty. I fully trust that justice will be done and I will get re-elected in the upcoming GOD elections.

Categories: Humor Tags: , , ,
  1. October 14, 2012 at 1:55 am

    Satire! Loved it. Especially the last statement from God. His effect has reached Congress or maybe Congress’s effect reached him!

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