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Dating and Cooking

I got back from work and went online but I am in no mood to type and chat. I go to my group in WeChat and see if any new messages were sent when I was offline. There were none.

I got an individual message on WeChat from the girl I was wooing that she will come to my place for lunch on Saturday.

I updated my status, “Finally she agreed to come home for lunch!!”

As soon as I updated my status a flurry of messages poured in.

Lord Ganesha: (Garbled voice) Who is this unfortunate soul? My EarthComp has slowed down and my updates there are not coming quickly. That architect Vishwakarma is so slow to respond to complaints.

Me: Ganesha, stop eating your modaks for a minute before sending a voice message. It all garbled.

Lord Ganesha: Hey, I am on a diet.

Mooshaka: That is true he now gives me 10 modaks of his every day.

Me: Mooshaka, what about the size of the modaks.

Mooshaka: I never realized it but they are far smaller.

Lord Ganesha: Damn, the analyst in you, Sriram.

Hanuman: Ganesha, Sriram is concerned about your cholesterol.

Me: Cholestrol!! He has never ever given me one modak from his stash. Every time I visit, he gives me a full sized jackfruit or pineapple.

Lord Ganesha: (Laughing) So, you realized.

Me: And Hanuman, stop troubling that poor tiger of Durga. I saw the video where you were making him jump to get your tail.

Hanuman: Hey, I was just bored and you heard Ganesha. The IT department has not addressed bandwidth issues. I can’t stream videos on this slow connection.

Lord Shiva: What is happening here?

Lord Ganesha: Hey Dad, Sriram has a date coming over this Saturday for lunch.

Lord Shiva: (In a stern commanding voice) Sriram, you better treat her well. If she complains to me I will have to take strict action.

Me: (Sweating bullets) Yes sir.

Lord Shiva: So where are you ordering your lunch from?

Me: Sir, I was thinking of cooking myself.

Lord Shiva: WHAT??

Lord Ganesha, Hanuman and Mooshaka (All laughing uncontrollably)

Mata Parvati: What is happening?

Me: Matae, I have a lunch date this Saturday with a girl so I was planning to cook for her.

Mata Parvati: Shivji, I hope you advised him some common sense.

Lord Shiva: He says he is going to cook for her. I am still in shock remembering his last misadventure with cooking.

Mata Parvati: (Snickering) Sriram, you are a decent cook but the kitchen looks like a bombed out house after you finish cooking and if your date looks at that kitchen then that will be the last date ever.

Me: (Sullen and crestfallen) Yeah I know

In came Yoda’s message:

Yoda: Hire a cook you must, lover boy.

Me: Master Yoda, I was hoping the Force would help me and guide me.

Yoda: (Cackling laugh) Scared is the Force of your cooking.

Lord Ganesha, Hanuman and Mooshaka (All laughing uncontrollably)

Mata Parvati: Boys, hush. Sriram, I will send Nandi to help you out with the cooking.

Nandi: (Grunting and in a gruff voice) I only cook vegetarian food.

Me: Perfect

Nandi: And I won’t do the vessels and I won’t serve.

Me: I don’t need help there. After all, she would be scared seeing a tall man-bull as my butler.

Nandi: (Grunting) I will kill you, Sriram.

Yoda: Anger you must control, Nandi. Idiot is the boy, Sriram, who thinks he can cook (Cackling laugh).

Lord Ganesha: (Laughing) If Sriram cooked and the girl ate, we need 2 death requisitions to be sent. The girl will gag and die and the law with kill him. Yamraj would be processing papers for a whole month.

Stephen: Hey Sri, can I come too? Nandi’s cooking is always awesome.

Me: (Exasperated) Stephen, I am on a date.

Stephen: (Laughing loudly) That is fine with me. I am just there for the tasty food and dating tips.

Stephen, Lord Ganesha, Hanuman and Mooshaka (All laughing uncontrollably)

Mata Parvati: Boys, (to Stephen, Lord Ganesha, Hanuman and Mooshaka) get back to work. Men and cooking are a disaster. I should know from experience.

Me: You mean Shivji too tried it.

Lord Shiva to Mata Parvati: Darling, I do not think it would be wise to discuss our affairs on WeChat. Who knows what get released to the press these days.

Yoda: At peace is the Force with knowledge that cooking, Sriram, is not going to be

Me: And I thought I had friends.

Stephen: Bro, me, Ganesha, Hanuman and Mooshaka are coming to your place on Saturday. Set a plate for each of us too (Laughing).

Stephen: But one last question, who is the girl?

And I logged off WeChat.

(This post has been written as a part of the “WeChat with Anyone, Anywhere!” powered by WeChat and IndiBlogger. You can check out the WeChat YouTube videos  here: http://www.youtube.com/user/WeChatIndia?feature=watch)

  1. June 16, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    Loved the Ganesha and the modak bit… all the best for the contest!

    Arvind Passey

    • June 21, 2013 at 2:43 am

      Thank you sir. It’s good to see you here :).

  2. June 17, 2013 at 8:15 am

    I loved the concept and the way you roped me inside this group chat intrigued me. Too Good, Sriram! 🙂 A different and a very unique idea this

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